Single Parent Dating

Dating as a single parent is scary and uncomfortable experience to start. Meeting someone you like can be difficult enough, add to what is often perceived as "baggage" and the experience is awful. My mother, divorced now 16 years, decided all those years ago that she would not date while raising my brother and I; for her dating meant that we as children would have to share her and she didn't think it was fair considering the situation with my dad's new wife. I look at her now and wish she'd found someone all those years ago, not for us, for her. Her biggest fear when I got pregnant with B was that I would end up a single parent, to me though it didn't seem daunting at all, my mother did an amazing job with my brother and I; we are better off adults having been raised as we were. Finding myself as a single mother was fine, but loneliness sets in. My daughter doesn't need a father, she has a great one, it was me I was worried about. Its sad not have someone to share the milestones with, to laugh at the little things that happen day to day with her. Its also so hard not having someone to confide in, to lean on, to be a part of. I did start dating, or tried to, and met so much resistance to the fact that I was a mom. Its ok, I realized that no matter how great she and I are some people just aren't ready to face that life. I even found that as willing as some men were to dating me with little B in tow they weren't prepared to really be a part of our lives. Then I got lucky, God smiled on me, or however you want to look at it. T has been a great addition to our lives, someone who probably wouldn't have seen himself the loving man of a woman with a little girl, who has embraced the two of us wholeheartedly. Whats better, this man loves me, loves my daughter, but balances both so that we both feel completely adored. I waited to let her form a bond with T because letting her get attached is hard if the relationship isn't ready, another scary aspect of dating as a single parent, but I am lucky and smiled upon because this is a person B will always have in her life. I keep holding out hope that my mom will find someone who will love her and love her children too (although C and I are such characters it might be hard! :-) )

Vegetables

I am lucky that I have a child who loves vegetables, yup, that’s right, the good ol’ leafy green stuff. I hate vegetables and all things healthy; my daughter however lives for Broccoli. She’s a little piglet eater and its wonderful to see her chow down. When she was four months old we had to hospitalize B for a gastro-intestinal issue that required exploratory surgery to discover the source of the problem. For the next 9 months she had to be on specialized formula that was incredibly expensive and only available through special order. We even fought our insurance company to pay for the formula since it was medically required and we were turned down time and time again. Our doctor even wrote a letter outlining her condition and the dreaded “failure to thrive” phrase. My daughter has always been tiny, born 4 weeks early she’s just always been a peanut. I was the same way so doctors have never been concerned about her growth; she maintains a growth pattern, its just the below the 5th percentile. Now at two years old she eats everything in sight; typically for her the spicier the better. She scoops salsa on her chips, sucks it off, and goes back for more. She likes pepper in her eggs and give her chocolate milk and she’s a happy camper. She can sit and eat a whole bowl of black olives, she’s been doing that now for almost a year. It started with a dinner at Eclectic Pizza and her Tante Jayne’s salad and she hasn’t stopped wanting them since. Its to the point now that the waitress at Eclectic will give her a little dish all for herself. Vegetables, who would have thought.

Skype

I am not close with my dad’s side of the family and they haven’t spent much time with B. I posed not too long ago about the close relationship B has with my Grandma Margaret but she doesn’t know my Grandma Lois well. Grandma Lois lives in Seattle and aside from a trip to see her when B was 9 months old she hasn’t spent any time with her. I’ve been trying to get her on Skype since B loves to talk on the computer but she is not a computer person at all. I didn’t even know if she was getting any of the pictures I periodically email until I asked my aunt who lives in the same area and sees her daily. Christmas time I found out she got a new laptop and I really started to push for her to get Skype set up, I would even walk her through the process if she would take the time. The problem wasn’t getting the program up and running but her wireless internet. After a few months she finally tracked down her neighbor to help her. Tonight was the first time B and Grandma Lois got to talk and it was so adorable. B was cute and charming, demanding to talk to grandma Lois on the phone while we were getting it set up. She chattered in her nonsensical toddler language while I troubleshooted the computer. Before long we were up and running; B was blowing kiss after kiss to her Grandma Lois. I am thankful for the beauty of modern technology that allows my daughter to get to know her Grandma Lois so far away from her.

Sweet Success

Success success at last. Although I cannot confidently say that little Miss B is potty trained we did have a major breakthrough this weekend! Certainly a joy of being a parent is watching the light bulb go off in your child; their development is something to be marveled at. The process of potty training this weekend was to let her wear her Tinkerbell “panties” only if she went to the potty when she was told. I had to set the timer on the oven to go off every 30 minutes so we could run to the bathroom. “Run run run” she yells as she trots off down the hallway. Can you believe that a weekend flies by when you are breaking it down into 30 minute increments because I was shocked when 8PM rolled around on Saturday. 30 minutes goes by fast and yet every 30 minutes she managed to win herself 2 gourmet M & M’s and a sticker on her potty chart. It was so exciting to see her succeed that I found myself making sure she drank a lot of liquids so that she could keep getting rewards to reinforce the good behavior. She only had 1 accident on Saturday and managed to go to Church on Sunday without ever having to wear a diaper. After every success I would have to yell “Yay!”, hands high up in the air, and clap for her. This morning I didn’t cheer quick enough and she proceeded to lift my hands in the air for me so I could do it properly. She loves getting to run around and tell everyone she peed! At brunch she ran straight into T’s arms and yelled “I PEED!” for the whole restaurant to hear, which is actually adorable despite the uncomfortable concept of discussing bathroom time. Crossing my fingers that this upcoming week brings similar success and soon we will be on our way to a diaper free lifestyle!

Sequels

I am a classic Disney movie fan. I love them all and I never understood why they would do these straight to DVD sequels. In my mind the movie ended you can’t do a sequel that’s not really a sequel but a new adventure. Then I had B... She becomes obsessed with a character (even at the young age of two). Currently she is obsessed with Tinkerbell. I was so excited when a second Tinkerbell movie came out, yes ME. Partly because I want to see what happens next but mostly so I can finally watch something new. I think she’s seen the two movies at least 50 times each and I am counting down the months until the third movie comes out. She also has a ridiculous attachment to Alvin and the Chipmunks. If I hear those squeaky chipmunk voices one more time I might pull my hair out. I did take her to the Squeakuel that came out a few months ago. It was her first time in a movie theater and she had a blast. She decided half way through the movie that she did not need the booster seat, she wanted to sit like her mommy. She had her own little popcorn in her lap, her juice in the cupholder and she laughed at all the right moments and bopped her head to the music. She’s to the point now that she recognizes music from the movies that if she’s in another room and hears it she comes running. She even switched the channel the other day to catch the credits of the Chipmunk movie and she started yelling “Alvin mommy Alvin”. I was shocked, it was only the music that gave the movie away...

Great Grandma Margaret

When we were choosing baby names I was adamant that my daughter’s middle name would be Margaret after my grandmother. My grandmother and I are very close and she has helped me become the woman I am today and we share a bond unlike any other pair in our family. When I proposed this to B’s dad he wasn’t really very excited, worried that she wouldn’t like it when she grew up. Once he met my grandmother though he was easily swayed, she really is an interesting woman. Part of his fear was that she wouldn’t get to grow up and know who her great grandmother was (my grandmother is 83). However no one anticipated the bond she would form with her great grandmother at this age. When you ask her if she wants to see grandma Margaret she starts jumping up and down then runs to the garage door ready to go. She loves my grandma Margaret and its such a beautiful thing to see them together. My grandmother is aging and it wasn’t so long ago that I felt she was giving up but when she found out I was pregnant she started to live again. She knitted sweaters for the baby, something she hadn’t done since her husband had died 27 years earlier and got involved in the process with me. Now her highlight is getting to see B and if I don’t make it to the other side of town to see her for a week she starts to worry that B will have grown up too fast and she’ll miss the little things. I’m thankful that B has her grandma Margaret in her life and that my grandmother can enjoy having a great grandchild around.

Rockstar

One of the wonderful things about being a parent is watching your child develop a personality all their own... that doesn’t necessarily mean you enjoy the all out stubborn ridiculous tantrums that happen but I do love watching her become her own little person. For instance she has been a musical child since she was born. Being sung to sleep was almost a must for a long time (although it was grandma’s singing ABBA that she loved the most). She has been trying to dance since before she could walk and now she breaks into all out dance routines with a “Ta Da!” ending and all. She sings into her microphone and has even learned songs I never thought she’d pick up. Her favorite music is ABBA probably due to her grandmother and she demands the music from the Mamma Mia movie as soon as we enter the car. She taps her foot to the rhythm, bops her head, and wiggles her shoulders in her carseat. It is absolutely enough to make your morning the best morning possible. She loves to try and get everyone around her involved in the show. “Dance Mommy, dance!” She adores being twirled aorund in circles which is reminiscent of when I was a little girl and had to have twirl dresses to do just that. She has started using her tutu that she wore for her rockstar Halloween costume, taking it off her bear and making sure it sits just right on her and off she goes! After trying to get her to use her guitar for Halloween and her complete uninterest she is now a guitar fanatic, playing Girls Just Want To Have Fun... over and over and over.... yes the personality is coming out and its loud but definitely adorable to watch!